About three weeks remain before I take off for France, and I can’t help but to feel really overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely excited, overjoyed actually. However, the fear I’ve felt these past few months has become all too intense and real. I’m legitimately scared of moving back to France. Yes, I’ve been there before, and yes, I do know how to speak French. But, my French is extremely rusty, and I’m not sure that I fully remember how to speak it to a native speaker. I’m not sure that I even remember what the French culture is actually like. Yes, of course, this is probably just me overreacting and overwhelming myself for no reason, but I’m nervous as all get out. So nervous that I’m having dreams about getting lost in France, forgetting how to speak French, and not making any friends. Those things actually legitimately scare me.
While I’ve been freaking out, I’ve actually been putting off the stuff that I need to get done before I leave, and I only have three weeks. Not much time remains. I just need to pack, get my health insurance stuff figured out, and get my student loans crap figured out in addition to a few smaller things. I’m not really looking forward to the last two things. Sometimes, being an adult is extremely overwhelming, and sometimes because of that, I just push things to the last minute (a terrible habit that I need to break). So, this week, I am going to set myself down and do all of the logistical things that I need to get done before I leave. I have to, otherwise, I’ll go crazy.
I think the reason I’m freaking out so much is because it’s all surreal. I’m actually going to achieve one of my dreams. I’m actually going to be living it. That’s crazy to me.
I keep telling myself that even though I feel overwhelmed, much of everything is actually taken care of and going smoothly. For example, I have found a place to live in France. It’s small and not luxurious by any means, but it will be mine for 8 months. It’s a furnished studio apartment. It just has the basics: a bed, a desk, a small table, a closet, a bathroom, and a kitchenette with a small fridge, a sink, and two burners. So, it’s really not glorious at all, but for me, it will be perfect. Also, it’s only about a 5 minute walk from the school I’ll be working at. Talk about perfection. Also, if I have the funds after I pay rent, deposit, to buy the basics like toilet paper, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, etc., I’ll buy some things to make it homey, like a rug and a coffee maker (because it wouldn’t be my home if it didn’t have a coffee maker).
Finding a place from over here has been successful due in part to the help of my contact person, who, I think, will essentially operate as a sort of supervisor. He’s been so helpful and kind, and I feel so blessed and thankful. He says he will even pick me up from the train station and bring me to the apartment when I get in, take me to a bank to open a bank account, and help me with anything else I’ll need, which I’m sure will be a lot of things. I just feel thankful that this whole process has been made easier by his gracious help. It’s nice not having to do everything on my own, even though that’s what I was prepared to do.
So, three weeks. That’s it. I’ll be packing this week and finishing up my grad school application (oh yeah there’s that too. thankfully I’m almost finished with that now). Only two weeks left at my job. I think I’ll be extremely sad to leave it. My co-workers have become a small family to me. I’ll also miss seeing all of the regulars every week. Such huge changes happening in my life. It’s all a little overwhelming but greatly welcomed.
Well, until next time. A plus mes amis…